Here are my comments about your paper: -You said that you are talking to your grandkids, but in parts of the paper it seems as though you are reflectively speaking on speaking to your grandkids. I don't know if this is planned but it seems that in the paper you flip between reflective talking to them and actually explaining to them. Whichever way you go is fine consistency is just important. I suggest starting off by saying who you are talking to (i.e. journal entry, italics) -I really like your idea about how the world got to where it is, the chain of reactions are really strong. -One of the things I think just need to be adjusted is the amount of run on sentences, because it can lose your reader. The ideas are great, but I was getting a bit lost.
overall I think this paper is a great start and you have an opportunity to expand in almost all of your areas
A few things for your paper: - Overall I think it is a fantastic idea and it is really well developed. Obviously the parts where you said you need to add more need to be expanded, but this is a really good start. - I think the process of one corporation gaining control of all types of one resource needs to be drawn out more. It is hard to see that happening right now but from what you said in class it makes sense, just write that in the paper too. - When the migrants come to these countries, maybe explain exactly what happens and how this leads to the downfall of states. Also maybe just mention about how many people managed to escape. Is it in the hundreds of millions? billions? just a thought. - When it comes to the Global Government, do each of the leaders have absolute authority over their subcommittee and how do citizens feel about that? Also, is there some sort of military or police to enforce these things or? Overall though really good.
Notes on your paper: -Try and use more academic source and less popular sources? -Watch P.O.V. -Did the UN do anything during the earthquakes/natural disasters to start de-legitimizing their authority? Or was it their lack of action? -Explain the corporations behavior during the early years/natural disasters and how this led to their rise in power -Explain more about the influx of migrants and the failure of states (obviously they didn't have enough resources but did internal groups rise up in opposition?) -Describe the transition from the UN to the GG -Clarify how the GG is run and how they managed to grab power? How do they enforce their power? -I really liked a lot of the ideas in your paper and the struggle between multi-national corporations coming to power and the world government
Here are my comments about your paper:
ReplyDelete-You said that you are talking to your grandkids, but in parts of the paper it seems as though you are reflectively speaking on speaking to your grandkids. I don't know if this is planned but it seems that in the paper you flip between reflective talking to them and actually explaining to them. Whichever way you go is fine consistency is just important. I suggest starting off by saying who you are talking to (i.e. journal entry, italics)
-I really like your idea about how the world got to where it is, the chain of reactions are really strong.
-One of the things I think just need to be adjusted is the amount of run on sentences, because it can lose your reader. The ideas are great, but I was getting a bit lost.
overall I think this paper is a great start and you have an opportunity to expand in almost all of your areas
A few things for your paper:
ReplyDelete- Overall I think it is a fantastic idea and it is really well developed. Obviously the parts where you said you need to add more need to be expanded, but this is a really good start.
- I think the process of one corporation gaining control of all types of one resource needs to be drawn out more. It is hard to see that happening right now but from what you said in class it makes sense, just write that in the paper too.
- When the migrants come to these countries, maybe explain exactly what happens and how this leads to the downfall of states. Also maybe just mention about how many people managed to escape. Is it in the hundreds of millions? billions? just a thought.
- When it comes to the Global Government, do each of the leaders have absolute authority over their subcommittee and how do citizens feel about that? Also, is there some sort of military or police to enforce these things or?
Overall though really good.
Notes on your paper:
ReplyDelete-Try and use more academic source and less popular sources?
-Watch P.O.V.
-Did the UN do anything during the earthquakes/natural disasters to start de-legitimizing their authority? Or was it their lack of action?
-Explain the corporations behavior during the early years/natural disasters and how this led to their rise in power
-Explain more about the influx of migrants and the failure of states (obviously they didn't have enough resources but did internal groups rise up in opposition?)
-Describe the transition from the UN to the GG
-Clarify how the GG is run and how they managed to grab power? How do they enforce their power?
-I really liked a lot of the ideas in your paper and the struggle between multi-national corporations coming to power and the world government